With the help of Rocktapus's new wife Mallory, we were able to locate a Bob Evans', where the French toast they just factory defrosted looks somewhat similar to Mom's country cooking. Biscuits and gravy? Yes, please.
After a tearful goodbye to Tits, we all jumped in cars and started to pull away - only to discover at the last minute that Vahj? was nowhere to be found. Scare (one of many throughout the trip) averted by the discovery that we had almost stranded him in a bathroom in WhereTFamI, OH. Thus begins the most epic car ride of the tour. Topics of conversation in the Power Vehicle (Caravan Leader, PimpMobile, The Best Car, etc...you know) included bestiality, Britney's comeback, genitalia in unlikely orifices, and other like topics completely appropriate for posting on the Internet. But epic conversations were the only appropriate precursors to the epicness that was to come: Scallywag Tag.
What could be better than walking into the Debriefing room with 11 of your best college male friends and frightening 8 year old girls? What could be better than having a team comprised only of said college males competing against said 8 year old girls? What could be better than getting hit on by the high school ScallyWench instead of being taught how to play the game? What could be better than completely crushing the dreams of a team of small children by annihilating them in not-so-friendly competition? The answer, my friends, is nothing. After a few hours of arcade games and watching BOOYAH (who was christened at this sacred place) dominate time and time again, your heroes decided to get freshened up.
Our next stop - the fancy holiday party of random family number 1! Sticking around and flirting with Aunt Marcia and Grandma Lucy - best part of my day. The dinner at FatBurger (provided by random family) - amazing. What was to come for the lucky 5 - RIDICULOUS.
The Lucky 5 - Rocktapus, Tornado, Slutkin B., Smokee, and KK. Those lame-os who decided not to go bowling because of intense fatigue ended up getting the best of the deal. The Lucky 5 stayed with BOOYAH's friend and Mary, his Macedonian goddess mother, in their enormous house. Where would we like to sleep? The feather-top double beds upstairs, or the entertainment center/pub/workout room/guest suite basement? We opted for the latter. Not only did our new digs come with complimentary bedding and movies, it came with Mary, Rocktapus's second wife. Mary stocked 2 refrigerators and a freezer full of buffalo wings, sandwiches, Graeters' ice cream, and some drinks for the over-21 crowd.
So, stomachs full and beds intact, the Lucky 5 fell asleep refreshed and energized for Day 3.
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